Unexpected blessing from the least expected places

I was preparing myself all weekend for today, because I knew it was probably going to be my hardest task yet. I was told on Saturday that I would be given the opportunity to travel with the Palliatiive Team (Dr. Ravi, Beefina, and Viayashlee), and so I did. I got to sleep in a little more, and have a longer time with Jesus this morning, because they did not plan on leaving until 9:00. However, it is typical of Indian culture (and much of American culture as well) to never leave on time, so we did not end up leaving until 9:45. Before we did, sister Viayashlee said a prayer. She prayed for all of the sick people and their families, and prayed for them to have hope and for salvation! It definitely got me fired up!

Being here alone, I have not been able to go outside of the hospital grounds much. Yesterday was the first time, when I went to lunch with the Woods. So, it is always an exciting experience. Good thing I have been in African traffic before, because otherwise I would not be able to handle the hectic, yet organized in its own way, traffic here. Also, there are cows in the middle of the road or just grazing through the trash, men using the restroom wherever they please, something being sold on every corner, and I even saw 4 people riding on a motorcyle (I hear the record is 7).

We visited 5 patients today, most of them with cancer of some sort. To those who are unfamiliar with Palliate Care, it is care for those who are in the last stages of life, living at home. Some just refer to it as "comfort care". Now, you might see why I was expecting this day to be the hardest so far. I found it interesting when Dr. Ravi told me that they normally do not let the patient know their diagnosis. If the family wants them to know, then we tell them, but otherwise, it is just between the family and the team. We stayed two whole hours at the first house. He was a new patient, and so Dr. Ravi had to gathger all the information about the patient that he could. This family cared so much about the patient and you could tell they were doing everything they could to make him feel more comfortable. They were so grateful for us coming by to help them (and really, I did nothing but observe, but they kept thanking each one of us SO much). Here families are quite involved in their family member's care, knowing dates and exact symptoms, because they don't have the luxury of having records in a computer somewhere, like we do, and they are also just so close here. It is not uncommon for more than one family to live under the same roof, even if it be a small roof.

The next couple of patients that we visited were hard for me, because not much English was spoken, and I was starting to get tired. I have noticed that no matter how much sleep I get, I still get tired. I am always trying so hard to focus on what they are saying, and my mind is CONTINUALLY full of thoughts, prayers or taking notes on everything I see and experience(not to mention just trying to remember how to pronounce the names of all the people I meet!). The exhaustion is worth it though. I am not going to be in India forever, so I am trying to take in as much as I can, and give of myself, the same.

THEN, we came to Sajamma's house!!!! She was BY FAR my favorite patient to visit!! When we entered, we had to wait a little while in her living room, full of little stuffed animals and scripture, but then we were called back into her bedroom. At first sight, I fell in love with her. She was an 80 year old woman, unmarried, no children, but as peachy as could be! At first glance, you would never know she had anything wrong with her. She was wearing this bright yellow dress with polkadots (a woman after my own heart! Haha!) and a back brace. She welcomed us in her room with such a sweet smile. Dr. Ravi intorduced us, and she began asking me all about ME, even though we were there to see HER! She wanted to know everything about me, and when she asked why I was in India, I told her that I just love travelling, and the LORD had led me here. Her eyes lit up when I mentioned our sweet Jesus. Then, I said, "Well, tell me about you!" She commented, "I am so glad you mentioned the LORD! I can tell that you have a heart to share about Him, just like me!" Then, she bagan to tell a story that you could easily see she had told MANY times before, "I will tell you a story about my life. Let me ask you a question first, though. Have you ever heard of supernatural healings?" And, I said that I had and I very much believed in them. I told her of the little boy who was cured of cancer at my church in Lubbock, and it was a rapid healing. She started up again, "Well, that is so good to hear. I have received a supernatural healing from the LORD, but mine did not happen so quickly". This is where I am not sure that I understood everything she said, but I got the main parts. Fourteen years ago, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She did not seek treatment, because the LORD had told her, "I am going to heal you. Trust me. I want to use your story to bring faith to others." So, she decided against telling anyone about this illness. It kept getting worse and worse, but every day she read from Isaiah 53:4-5. Through this the LORD would promise her every day that He was going to heal her. SEVEN years later, she went to the doctors, because her wound was starting to open and all of the skin was necrotic(dead). She just needed to know how to clean it. When she arrived the doctors told her that she could clean it, but there was no way to treat it now. They couldn't even operate. She said something I wil never forget though. In her words, "They told me chemotherapy would not help. But, Jesus told me His blood would be poured in me and act even better than chemo. They said radiation would not help. But, Jesus told me that HIs Holy Spirit, His firey Holy Spirit would come down on me, and kill off any cancerous cell. They told me they could not operate. But, Jesus told me that He had given me His Word that is sharper than any two-edged sword, and He would use it to cut off any dead or bad cell in my chest"....WHAT INCREDIBLE FAITH?!?!?!? I sat, speechless, in awe!! The doctors (SEVEN of them) told her she would have anywhere from 3 days to 3 months to live. She went home, and just as she had done before, prayed over Isaiah 53:4-5, placing her name in it. Since the doctors thought she would not last long, they came every day, and just cleaned her wounds...3 days went by, then 3 weeks, then 3 months. The next day, she woke up and looked at her wound, NEW SKIN HAD STARTED TO GROW!!!....In case you did not know, necrotic skin is DEAD! There is no way to make it better, it can only be cut off. The fact that new skin began growing was a MIRACLE, and ONLY JESUS was to be praised for it! The docotrs could not believe their eyes, and they stated they had never seen such a healing in all of their practice. One of them, a Hindu woman commented on this healing saying, "It must have been from her God. Nothing else could have done this. I was even able to see the healing WITH MY OWN EYES, and I was amazed! Only a scar left, but no necrotic skin, no bone weakness or pain, nothing! As I said earlier, it has been 14 years since her diagnosis, after 7 years they gave her 3 months, and her 3 months turned into 7 plus years, and all this was because of her faith in the ONLY one who could have made this possible! I could not stop smiling, and even the nurses commented afterward about how they could tell it encouraged me. It seems as though, the more difficult the tasks the LORD sets before me, the more grace and joy He gives. His grace is TRULY sufficient to keep me going strong! I got a picture of her, too, because I told her I wanted to share her story, and she was SOO excited!! When I showed her the picture, she just said, "See, I don't even look sick!", and then the Viayashlee said, "Yeah, if you took a picture of us, WE would be the ones looking sick!" Hahaha! I also did not go into this day expecting to share such laughter and happiness with the nurses inside the patients' houses. Sajamma was cracking jokes, and then they would talk in their language and just crack up, and even though I had NO IDEA what they were talking about, I joined in, because the joy of the LORD was so thick in that place! Before we left, Dr. Ravi asked if I would pray! What a privilege!! I prayed with such joy in my heart, and then after, Sajamma wanted Viayashlee to pray too. Then we all said our goodbyes.

The last house we visited was a Muslim home. It was crazy to me how nice it was, because from the outside, all of the houses look the same. This man was in his late 70's, and his son was doing most of the talking for him. He was quite a stubborn man, very weak, with some sort of cancer. We were just doing a check up. Throughout the whole visit, I was praying for the hearts of him and his family! Such a sweet family, but still so lost. His daughter-in-law had made us sweets and tea. There was one more than there were people, so we all had one and drank our tea. But, this man was so persistent that I have another that he got up, walked over the tray where they were, and brought it over to me. I took it and reluctantly, but thankfully ate it (my stomach hurts a little now, but it is worth it to make him feel better). Afterward, we were saying our goodbyes, and when he grabbed my hand, he said, "I hope to see you again and again and again!" In my head, I was saying, "I pray I see you again too! In heaven for all of eternity"! I kinda wish I had said it out loud, but something held me back. Then, we started to walk out the door, and he followed us. His son was surprised and commented on how he has never felt this well to walk as much as he was in a day and even to follow a guest outside was shocking. Oh, I pray the LORD changes that sweet man and his family's hearts!!!

So, overall, a day full of exhaustion, hard situations to handle, but more joy and grace to cover it all! All glory to my precious Jesus who is the ONLY One to bring such unexpected blessing from the least expected places.

Swords and Sweet Serenity

As each new day arrives, God opens my eyes a little more to why I am here, and the plans He has for me in the future! Getting to talk to Steven on the phone yesterday for even the little time we did was more of a blessing than I could have ever asked the LORD for! I told my roommate about the conversation at breakfast, and she commented, "Oh, well, that describes the glow about you!"(in her brilliant Scottish accent!)! I could NOT stop smiling. When, I reached the nurses station, I found out I was only to work a half day, because it was a Saturday. I was placed in the Peciatric ICU. I was excited to see yet another area of the hospital, and once again with little babies! I arrived in my natural state of joy, but that is when all of the conflicting emotions set it. My joy in Christ was not to be shaken, but my heart began to ache more than it has on this whole trip so far. It took everything in me to hold back from tears. There was only enough room in the ICU for 5 babies/children. One of the babies had breathing difficulties/pneumonia, two were suffereing from Dengae Fever, and two from convulsions/seizures. I had never seen such a bad case of Dengae before, but apparently it is very common here. After being intorduced to the children, I began looking around at all the the supplies, the crash cart, and the intubation and ventilatioin kits....it was all so old and the medications were scare. From then on, I was able to read some charts and some information books on Dengae Fever, the whole time observing the children and their situations. All I could think of is how easy it is for us Americans to bask in our comfortable lives and not even think twice, if even ONCE, about the conditions others across the world have to live in. What are we doing wrong as a church? Why are we not more mobilized?

One of the sweet babies with convulsions woke up and started crying for his mommy. When she got there, his tears immediately stopped, as he found so much securtiy in her presence. His name is Ayaan, a 2 year old little blessing. He made me laugh on multiple occassions, whether it was from his little dance after getting a drink of water, his infatuation with the baby in the bed next to him, or sticking his tingue out at me and then giggling when I did it back. Once again, God creating good from a situation where it seems there is none. On the other hand, there was another child who never cracked a smile. Her name was Spoorthy, a 4 y.o. girl who was deaf and had 2nd degree Dengae Fever. She was getting a blood transfusion, because she was practically bleeding out. I watched as her hopeless mother sat next to her bed, doing all she could to try and make her little baby comfortable, yet there was no joy to be seen on her face either. It was easy to see she had been there a while, and not resting as she should have been. I couldn't help but pray for God to meet here in her deepest need to and to heal her child. However, there was one joyous moment with Spoorthy! I noticed a little angel doll sitting on the cabinet next to her, so I got up, and asked if she wanted it, by just showing it to her. She reached as far out as she could, and then grabbed it and tucked it close into her arms. There wasn't a smile on her face, but that could have been because her lips were so cracked and sore that smiling would have only caused her pain. There was a smile in her heart though, because then she quickly fell asleep. So, like I said such conflicting emotions, joy with Steven and I, joy with little Ayaan, and sorrow for the innocent ones being stuck in a hospital bed that would have been easily thrown out by any American hospital. I prayed that God would let me see the good in all of it, and once again, He came through!

Sidenote, after seeing how each of these precious mothers interracted with their sweet babies, it made me SUPER excited for all the preggos that I know to have their babies, because I CANNOT WAIT to get to play with them....and for one day to be a mother myself! :)

As I mentioned in the beginning, I am learning more why I am here as time goes on. Well, most everyone knows that I am wanting to start medical clinics in Africa one day. Well, I am starting to think that a hospital might be a better place to start. I also received an email from a friend I have yet to meet, and he was telling me about some people he knows wanting to build a hospital in Ethiopia. This got me thinking. The hospital I am in right now started from the ground up by the dream of one woman, a surgeon named Rebekah Naylor, who I am actually going to be able to meet, the day before I leave! I am reading her biography right now, and it tells of how she went through all the harship to get this hospital to where it is now! I think I have a lot to learn from her, and I hoping to be able to stay in contact with her. Also, I was sitting in the PICU, I had some downtime to think about all the many details that go into starting a hospital, all the resources and man power you would need. I am sure I would be amazed to see where the hospital is now from where it started. So, I am glad to have seen firsthand, how difficult this feat is going to be, but also encouraged to know that it can be done! I am taking lots of notes, Jae! :)

Last night was another tough night of thick spiritual warfare! It is obvious that the enemy does not like what is going on here, but I am praying against it, and to continually be clothed with the armor of God, with prayer, and the Word as my sword! Fighting the battle with any other earthly materials would only render this battle a loss. With Christ alone do I gain victory, for He has already won! My beloved Jesus was so sweet to speak truth over me all night, though, until I fell asleep! What a glorious and compassionate God we serve!

So, as to not make this post much longer, I just wanted to add that it is Indian Independence Day today so, I was able to attend the flag raising outside the hospital. Then, I had chapel and met some more Americans who I might be able to go through the town with. I need to get an authentic Indian outfit to wear to chapel next time, because I want them to try and start seeing me as one of them, not a "famous American". Also, before the service, Pastor Benny asked me to go to lunch with him and his wife, Carolyn! They are such a sweet couple, and they took me to a place downtown called "The Only Place", because it used to be the only place in India where you could get beef! Haha! There I was, having a burger in the middle of India! Who would have guessed?!?!...I have also emailed Kativa to see if I am going to be able to visit her soon! I have not heard back yet, but I am still praying that that all works out! :)

Keep praying for me. Specifically, you can be praying Eph. 6:19, "Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the the mystery of the gospel."

Indescribable Joy and comfort...His supply never runs dry!

Who would have thought that a room full of sick babies and dirty exam rooms could bring so much joy?!?!...but I have come to learn that where the LORD is, joy follows! We are called to rejoice in Him always, are we not?!?...

So, today began off with a privalege to attend Friday chapel with my roommate that I have failed to mention. She came two nights ago. Her name is Lorna, and she is a 50-something Scottish woman who is a chaplain at a hospital back home. She is studying the Indian way of thought, along with teaching some classes at the Theological College here!...to say in the least, she is pretty legit, and easy going, like me! During chapel, they talked about community. I think the message was a little off, but one thing I know for sure is that when he read God's Word from Romans, it did not return void to the ears that heard it! After the service, we were taken down to the new storage room that they just recently had built! I cannot even begin to describe what the LORD revealed to me in such a short moment. The pastor just talked about the storage room and how GRATEFUL they were to have it, while ALL of the people who had attended chapel weree squished together in the hallway (I'm sure it was a fire hazard, but they didn't seem to care). Then, he prayed a prayer of thanks to God, and we walked through it, singing. I have never been in such a small storage room in my life, and yet, they are so thankful for the blessing of it. They might not have all the resources to heal a person physically at this hospital, but they most deinitely know the Ultimate Healer, and know they can ask anything in His name, and He will not hold back! They are so bent on praying, which I have come to see creates such a spirit of humilty and an attitude of thankfulness for what you have! On this little high of Jesus, I was taken to the Pallaitive Care office and told that I would be able to go with the team on Monday to visit the homes and help treat those who are too sick to make it to the hospital! It is going to be an all day adventure! I was SO PUMPED, it was REDICULOUS!!...But, since they weren't going today, I was able to head over to the PEDIATRIC area! It is times like these that God makes it so clear that I am to work with children. The waiting room was PACKED, and babies were crying and were sick, but since God had given filled me overflowing with joy already that morning, I was able to spill over on a few of the least of these. Once again, I was doing more observing, but I didn't mind, as long as I got to see little saddened faces light up, with a simple smile from me.

I got to help comfort one little baby boy in particular that was having his blood drawn, and after it was done, and his mother came in, she tried to speak to me in the little English that she knew. This consisted of "Hello. How are you?...Did you get your breakfast?", and the like. Sidenote. I am beginning to catch on to this Indian culture. They ask me a lot about my food, my breakfast and my lunch, as if they are making sure I am taken care of, but also, I feel it is one of the main English phrases they know. Also, there is the head bobble from side to side to indicate "okay" or "yes". They don't use a nod. Also, they don't hug, but there is a lot of arms and hand touching. And, since I am American, they like to stare A LOT!...I am getting used to all of this, so be aware if I come home bobbling my head and asking how your breakfast was, while holding your hand! Haha!....okay, back to the story. After dressing her baby, she took my hand and put it on his head, and then placed her hands together in a praying motion. So, I prayed. It was such a sweet moment for me. I don't know if she knew I loved Jesus or if she just assumed that because I was American I would pray for him, but either way, I was glad to! I found out later that his name was Canaan, like in the Bible (that's what she told me). After saying my goodbye, I headed out to the front of the pedi center, and noticed a little boy with his family. I gave him a "surprised" look with my mouth open and he found it HILARIOUS!...so, he started doing it back to me, so I would do it, and then he laughed histerically! I loved it! We played for a while, until he was called back. At that time, two little girls came down the hall, and I was able to play patty cake with them until they were called back as well. Overall, I did a lot of playing, and comforting little babies! What a WONDERFUL day!!

So, I am now becoming more comfortable in this hospital, finding my way around, and not afraid to ask questions or to help out when I can! God is giving me joy abounding! His well never runs dry! What a SWEET BLESSING it is to be able to touch these little ones and do something that might seem so meaningless, yet even if it had no impact on them, God is using it to change my heart!

Holding Unswervingly...

There are so many thoughts going through my head right now, it is hard to think of just one thing to focus on, so I apologize if this is somewhat random and all over the place. I pray that you will still be able to follow along.

I was placed in the Private Ward the past two days to help out the nurses. I was SUPER excited to finally be following nurses to see how they work here. However, I found that they had me doing more observing than helping, and I became a little discouraged. After all, I came here to volunteer my time and help out, not just to sit back and watch. As an American, these precious foreigners go out of their way to make you feel comfortable and happy. I tried to explain that I wanted to help out, but in their nature they still wanted me to be happy. I was talking to God later that night, after my first day in the Private Ward, and asking Him why He saw it fit to send me all the way to India to sit in a hospital and OBSERVE. One of the many things He reassured me of was that I am NOT here for me, and I am NOT here to help make things better for them (in the way that I thought I would be), I am here to bring glory to Him. I always seem to have these preconceived notions about how God is going to use me or how He is going to do things in my life, and He always has His own plans, which are ALWAYS better, so i don't know why I fight them so much.

As many of you know, God has given me a vision for setting up clinics in Africa someday. I am unsure of all of the details, but I am SURE of the passion He has placed in my heart to do so. Throughout my time of observing, my eyes began to open so much to how difficult this task would be, if I thought I could do it on my own. God is the ONLY One who can make somethign like that come about! Like it says in Radical by David Platt, if the tasks that God gave us to do were things we could do on our own, then we could just as easily attribute the glory to ourselves. Language barriers have been something that I am trying to overcome as well. English is one of their common languages, but with the accent, I still struggle to understand.

My eyes have also been opened to the reality of how good we actually have it in the states, as nurses AND as patients. These poor nurses are worked so hard. They take on 9 patients, and they have never even heard of nurse aids. They give a new meaning to "total patient care". The resources are scarce, but they make do with what they have, all the while never complaining. I just sit back amazed.

I am also taken aback with how God is showing me His sovereignty in HIS timing. Many of you know the story of Steven and I(If you don't I'll tell you later!). Both of us have discussed how confused we were at the timing of everything happening. In our minds, it seemed like the worst timing ever, but I have seen that one of the many reasons God chose the timing He did was because He knew I would need his encouragement through this time. It was just today that I was realizing how difficult this trip is going to be, being here alone. I am MOST DEFINITELY learning how to rely on the LORD more than I ever have had to before, and it has been INCREDIBLE! But He has also given me Steven. I cannot describe how much his encouragement means and comes at just the right times. God knows what His children need and He provides. I could go on and on about how much God has done with us, but I will spare the details, in light of the fact that this blog is already a novel! :)

One last story before I close: I woke up at 6 this morning to walk around the hospital and pray over it, the people, and the staff! It was such a sweet time between me and the LORD. He gave me an uplifted spirit when I was missing home already, and a renewed mindset. When I got to my floor, I was given a different nurse, named Jincy. She was GREAT and let me do so much more today, along with still observing! I also had the privilege of playing with a young girl as her father was being helped. Later on, the family wanted me to take a picture with their daughter, and I got one too. From there it led into me being able to pray over this family! In response, they were so grateful, they gave me a lemon and an apple. In wealthy America's eyes, this doesn't seem like much, but to a poor Indian family, this was a huge sacrifice, showing their care and thankfulness.

Continue to pray for the LORD to make my heart sensitive to those He can and desires to help through me, and pray for my willingness and obedience to humbly do what He asks!

Awestruck by Grace and Glory

I can recall walking down the hallway toward my first plane from Midland to Houston, and the only thought in my head was, "Oh my goodness! I am really about to do this. God, You are CRAZY for calling me to go to the nations like this! Who in their right mind would do such a thing?" And then, in less than a split second, the LORD responded, "I have gone before You. I will lead and guide You. Trust Me. I love you." Simple words, maybe, but the magnitude of their worth brought comfort, as if the Father Himself was holding me...which, He was and is!! So, there I am, walking to the back of the plane, the VERY back, and I am to sit by this man. He looked pretty nice, so knowing I only had a little over an hour on this plane ride, I decided to start up the conversation early. I asked him why He was going to Houston. He said he was actually headed to Pennsylvania, and it was going to be a LONG flight. Then, he asked me where I was going, and I said, "India". Then he responded, "Wow. Pennsylvania ain't got nothin on India." From there we launched into a heartfelt conversation where I was able to learn about his life and share as well about mine and how the LORD was allowing me to be a part of bringing His kingdom to India. It is just so wonderful how God can use exciting new things in your life to spark a conversation about Him. I even discovered that he was a computer geek and liked my transformers pillow! When I reached Houston, I had no trouble getting the rest of my boarding passes, and I sat there being able to journal, and receive encouragement beyond belief by my best friend's blog! I cannot even begin to explain how much it was needed and how much it was appreciated! Then, I headed to Germany. This time, the person next to me did not speak English, so I was unable to communicate, but I still was able to pray for him. He seemed to hate flying, so I said a little prayer for no turbulance, and God answered (that was somwewhat of a selfish prayer too, b/c I HATE TURBULANCE!!). Next flight, TO INDIA! When I headed to my seat, the man sitting next to it asked if I would switch with his wife, so he could be next to her, which was no problem for me, and ABSOLUTELY no coincidence either. I ended up sitting by a woman named Kativa. I noticed from the beginning that she was reading an English book, so I knew I would be able to speak to her some. It was going to be an 8 hour flight, and I needed to try and stay awake as much as I could, so I wrote a lot and read one of my FAVORITE books right now, that I would DEFINITELY recommend to anyone called "Radical" by David Platt. At one point, I asked the LORD to give me words to speak to her, but He just told me to sleep some. So, I did. Then, I woke up and dinner had already been passed out, so she asked the flight attendant to bring me mine. When they tried to get my tray open, it was stuck, so they felt really bad. They decided to offer me a bottle of wine or champagne for the inconvenience, and I told her thank you, but I did not drink. She wouldn't take no for an answer and ended up bringing me a bottle of champagne to give to a friend. My first thought was, "Oh no! I am going to be caught in the Indian customs with champagne and a Bible. I will surely be put in jail now!", but still laughing it off! :) Well, when there was only about an hour and a half left in the flight, I began talking to Kativa. She told me about how she worked for a non-profit that deals with children's rights. I asked her why she did what she did, and her response was, "Because I like it". She was a genuinely nice woman, but lacked the Spirit of God. I told her about my travels, and in the end we had started a friendship. She ended up giving me her business card and cell phone number in case I needed anything while I was in Bangalore, and she told me to come visit her office to see what she does. Her office is 2 hours away from Bangalore, but I am in the process of working out a way to get there for a day. I don't think God is done using me in her life! So, I get off the plane, and it is so obvious to me that God has gone before me, He will provide for me, and I know to trust Him because He loves me! I made it to the hospital okay with my crazy driver, Mark who asked a million and a half questions, obviously trying to practice his English. Then, I was able to shower and get into bed by 3 AM, only to wake up this morning at 6 AM!

So here I am now, in complete awe of our great God, as I sit here in Bangalore India on one of the four computers in their library. This facility is one of the "best", but still NO WHERE NEAR any "dump" hospital in Texas. But on the bright side, people are being helped and they are grateful for what they have. I am somewhat in "observation mode" right now, but Sister Flora is even talking about having me possibly teach a nursing student class while I am here! Haha! That would be fun! I am keeping my heart open to hear from the LORD, and keeping my hands engaged in the work He has set before me! I cannot wait to see what the LORD has in store for the rest of my trip! What a faithful God we serve.