Holding Unswervingly...

There are so many thoughts going through my head right now, it is hard to think of just one thing to focus on, so I apologize if this is somewhat random and all over the place. I pray that you will still be able to follow along.

I was placed in the Private Ward the past two days to help out the nurses. I was SUPER excited to finally be following nurses to see how they work here. However, I found that they had me doing more observing than helping, and I became a little discouraged. After all, I came here to volunteer my time and help out, not just to sit back and watch. As an American, these precious foreigners go out of their way to make you feel comfortable and happy. I tried to explain that I wanted to help out, but in their nature they still wanted me to be happy. I was talking to God later that night, after my first day in the Private Ward, and asking Him why He saw it fit to send me all the way to India to sit in a hospital and OBSERVE. One of the many things He reassured me of was that I am NOT here for me, and I am NOT here to help make things better for them (in the way that I thought I would be), I am here to bring glory to Him. I always seem to have these preconceived notions about how God is going to use me or how He is going to do things in my life, and He always has His own plans, which are ALWAYS better, so i don't know why I fight them so much.

As many of you know, God has given me a vision for setting up clinics in Africa someday. I am unsure of all of the details, but I am SURE of the passion He has placed in my heart to do so. Throughout my time of observing, my eyes began to open so much to how difficult this task would be, if I thought I could do it on my own. God is the ONLY One who can make somethign like that come about! Like it says in Radical by David Platt, if the tasks that God gave us to do were things we could do on our own, then we could just as easily attribute the glory to ourselves. Language barriers have been something that I am trying to overcome as well. English is one of their common languages, but with the accent, I still struggle to understand.

My eyes have also been opened to the reality of how good we actually have it in the states, as nurses AND as patients. These poor nurses are worked so hard. They take on 9 patients, and they have never even heard of nurse aids. They give a new meaning to "total patient care". The resources are scarce, but they make do with what they have, all the while never complaining. I just sit back amazed.

I am also taken aback with how God is showing me His sovereignty in HIS timing. Many of you know the story of Steven and I(If you don't I'll tell you later!). Both of us have discussed how confused we were at the timing of everything happening. In our minds, it seemed like the worst timing ever, but I have seen that one of the many reasons God chose the timing He did was because He knew I would need his encouragement through this time. It was just today that I was realizing how difficult this trip is going to be, being here alone. I am MOST DEFINITELY learning how to rely on the LORD more than I ever have had to before, and it has been INCREDIBLE! But He has also given me Steven. I cannot describe how much his encouragement means and comes at just the right times. God knows what His children need and He provides. I could go on and on about how much God has done with us, but I will spare the details, in light of the fact that this blog is already a novel! :)

One last story before I close: I woke up at 6 this morning to walk around the hospital and pray over it, the people, and the staff! It was such a sweet time between me and the LORD. He gave me an uplifted spirit when I was missing home already, and a renewed mindset. When I got to my floor, I was given a different nurse, named Jincy. She was GREAT and let me do so much more today, along with still observing! I also had the privilege of playing with a young girl as her father was being helped. Later on, the family wanted me to take a picture with their daughter, and I got one too. From there it led into me being able to pray over this family! In response, they were so grateful, they gave me a lemon and an apple. In wealthy America's eyes, this doesn't seem like much, but to a poor Indian family, this was a huge sacrifice, showing their care and thankfulness.

Continue to pray for the LORD to make my heart sensitive to those He can and desires to help through me, and pray for my willingness and obedience to humbly do what He asks!