Divine Interventioins in the Every Day Things...

Have you ever felt like you needed to do something specific, but you really didn't know why exacxtly?...Well, that happend to me this morning! Last night, I had wrestled with God! I was just so worn out, and He reminded me that I need not rely on my own strength, becauase that was not going to last me! He spoke sweet words of comfort and encouragement over my heart, and gave me such complete and utter rest! I slept SO well last night, not even waking up once (which is a BIG DEAL, because it was the first night I have done that since I have been gone!)!!! I woke up with a Heavenly alarm (my alarm on my phone had not been set, but God woke me up one minute past the time I had planned to get up!)! I got ready, and just felt like I needed to have my quiet time in the "common area", instead of on my bed, as I normally do!...It seemed odd to me, but I responded and did so! I got to read some Psalms, journal and pray for so long, because God had gotten me up on time, and I didn't fight getting up (like I am very prone to do)!!! I was still waking up a little, so after reading Psalm 80, I closed my eyes just to rest for a second, and I heard someone walk by the doorway, so I opened my eyes, and just as I closed my Bible, the man who does our laundry walked in! I was a little caught off guard, because he moves kind of quick, but he said to me, "Oh, so you like to study the Bible?), and I said, "Oh yes very much!" Then, he went on to tell me all about how he likes to study the Bible too, but his father is a Muslim (and he said, time and time again that he was too, which I found interesting ), so he has to hide his Bible in his sheets, and when his dad sees it, he gets mad. But, this man liked to read it!...He was a little difficult to understand, but I could see that he really liked the God of the Bible aand He liked Jesus too, but he was torn between culture and the Christ!

In this book I am reading, "The Christ of the Indian Road", it talks a lot about the religiosity of India. The author states, "The Indian people are an intensely religious people, and when the wealth of this spiritual capacity is placed on the disposal of Jesus, the product will be beautiful indeed"! He also spoke of how India is really good at accepting new things, but they lack the ability to get rid of the old. I saw this so evident in the life of this man! He wanted so badly to believe the God of the Bible, but he was caught up in tradition, and just wanted to add Gos's goodness to it! We had a nice short little conversation, and then he let me pray for him!

I went on to breakfast, and from there I traveled with LOREA (not Lorena...that's a different Mexican) to Kalighat! On the bus, I met another man named, Jaime, from Spain! He told me I need to go visit Spain next year, because of an event called "World Youth Day!" It sounds pretty exciting! When I arrived, I was late again to help with wound care, and they apparently assign people, so I just went to help clean mats, and then make beds and put the mats on them! it was so cute how some of the older sickly women were trying to help, but they were so weak, that they would really just pat the bed! I have found also that clapping is a great universal way to say good job to these women! After bed making, I went and said hello to Krishna! I put my hands on her face and told her that she was looking beautiful this morning, and she made eye contact! She actually seemed to improve a little more today too!!!...no walking yet, but eye contact was huge for me! Then, we gave out medications! some of the women just talk and talk to you, and I just nod and say, "Oh yes!" One precious older woman named, Asha was playing jokes on me! She took her first pill and threw the other two on the floor. I went and picked them up and gave them back to her (I know that sounds gross, but they can't waste here, and they clean the floors every day). She took the next one, showed it to e, and then tried to be sneaky while taking the water to slip the other one under her legs. Then, I told her that I saw that and reached under her legs, and then she pushed it farther and put her hands up, like "I don't know where it went"! So, I just lifted her legs up all the way, and grabbed the pill, and put it back in her hand! She just laughed and laughed and shook her finger at me! That was entertaining! Then, I also gave some medications to a woman there named Sodra! She is missing an ear, but she is SOOOOO beautiful! She has the most precious smile, and I saw her later counting to 30 in English with another volunteer!! She prayed before she took her medications and and kissed my hands!

After medications, I went by a woman and she grabbed my hands and said, "Pray"! I wasn't sure if I understood her so I said, "What?", and she said again, "Pray"! So, I started to pray, and a sister came up in the middle of my prayer and tapped my shoulder giving me lotion to put on her! She has scabies. So, I finished my prayer, and then put the lotion on! then, I put some more lotion on some other woman, and just sat by Laila again! She seemed to be even more cuddly today, laying her head on my shoulder, and pulling my legs closer, then at one point, it was like she was trying to rock me! It made me think of my Granny who used to hae her "babies" that she would take care of!

We had our tea break, and one of the sisters came over with a girl from japan who I had told about me being a nurse and the sister said, "You a nurse? You help with wound care tomorrow and the next day?" I GLADLY accepted!!! I had been able to hold a woman's hand and told her to sqeeze it when she was getting her quite infected wound cleaned out! She was sooo sweet...and quite strong, I might add!!! :) Anyways, after the break, we went to help with lunch, and then I did dishes again! I like the system they have set up! ...I'll try and take a picture of it!

So, after dishes, we left! I am realizing that the more I am there, the more I am getting to know the patients and it is getting easier to talk to them even though we have no idead what the other is saying! In most situations, I would feel silly, but the women here will just carry on a conversation with you and gladly just accept your nods and your input, even if it doen not make sense! I love it!!! :)

I went to lunch with the Spaniards and Takku at Blue Sky again, and the waiters there know me now and call me "Morgan"! Sammy is my favorite! He makes jokes with me all the time, just laughing and smiling, thinking he is SO funny!! After lunch, I headed here to the Web, because once again, all I did was pray and trust the LORD to move to use me, to move me out of the way and for His heart to shine through, and touch and comfort the people whom He created and loves, and He did! My sweet Jesus is blessing ME here far more than I feel He is even using me to bless those around me! What a great God we serve! I can't say it enough!!!!! Two more days at Kalighat, and then I am off to my next destination! Crazy to believe that time has gone so fast!! May I still stay focused, with an undivided heart, and continue to complete with faith and excellency the tasks the LORD places before me! :)

P.S. Sorry for all of the grammatical and spelling errors in these blogs! I don't have time here to read back through! :)

Today was yet another wonderful day!! It went a lot faster than expected, but probably just because it was FULL! I started off with volunteer breakfast, then catching the bus to Kalighat (this time it was stopped COMPLETELY when I got on! Haha!)! From there, I walked in talking to another new friend from Japan (I don't recall her name...I'll have to get that tomorrow)! She was a Freshman nursing student, which gave us something to talk about for that short 5 min walk. Then, when we got there, I realized that the wound care teams were already working on the patients, so I was told to go help with the laundry! We rinsed and wrung out clothes for a good hour. It was there I met two new friends named Paula (from Spain) and Lorena (from Mexico). Lorena's English was great, so I found it easy to converse with her, of course, using the same questions I have asked and answered for the past 3 weeks. She is a wonderful girl, though!

After laundry, we helped with exercise, and I was handed the crutches for Krishna! I headed over to her bed, and asked her if she was ready to walk today. She just stared right past me. Another woman from Spain came to help me, which was great, because I was really going to need it! I got her off her bed, and she actually HELPED us get her to the ledge this time, which was an improvement from the other day! Then, at this point she only helped a little more to get on the crutches, but one of the sisters came over again to help. She wasn't walking, but I saw an improvement, so I was telling her good job! The sisters and the workers seem to be so much more harsh with her. It saddens me! I realized that she has doll's eyes too, which I don't remember all that much about it, but I know it has to do with some sort of brain damage/nerve damage (which she has a head injury, and I wonder if that has something to do with it?) She also probably has depression, being in the state she is! I see a lot of classic signs in her!...anyways, I helped as much as I could, but then, they told me to just go put lotion on some of the patients and give them massages and to just leave her. I talked to her for a little bit longer, and then lotioned some patients!

Next, it was tea time, so I went up and saw a poster on the wall with all the Missionaries of Charity listed throughout the world! There are somewhere around 450 MOC Houses and the place that has the most after India is North America! How CRAZY is that?!?!...Then, I met another woman whose name I never got. She is from France, but she has been in Tahiti for about 5 years, practicing as a general doctor! I mentioned that I just finished nursing school and asked her if I could help out with wound care tomorrow, and she said she would be glad to have the help!! I am quite excited about that!!

After the break, they had a mass for the volunteers, then we served lunch, and I decided to help clean the dishes after. Next, I said my goodbyes to the patients and told them I would be back tomorrow, then headed out with Lorena and Bea (another friend from Spain) to go to lunch! Afterward, Lorena needed to go with the rest of the Mexicans, so I was left to find my way home on my own, but I had remembered Ciara saying that if you are on Park Street, just pick a street and walk straight and you will find your way to the street of the hotel. So, I did! NOTHING looked familiar, but I just kept walking, like I knew where I was going, with a purpose, and making little eye contact! About 15 minutes later, I landed on the right street, and it was just a block down to the hotel! I felt quite accomplished after that! :)

I journaled some, because with my days being so busy, I have not been able to as much! Then, I took a short nap, and a new Indian girl came in to stay in our room!....

So, I am starting to understand what my friend, Danielle said about how it's fun to meet people, but sometimes you just want to be around someone you know, because then you don't feel like you have to explain yourself every time you talk and try to MAKE conversation happen! Don't get me wrong, ALL the people I have met have been incredible, and I am SO thankful for them, but I am READY to see DANIELLE...and then my family, boyfriend and friends!! :)

God is still continuing to move here, not in ways that seem huge, but like Mother Teresa said (and there is a sign in Kalighat that says this)"It is not how much we do, but how much love we put in the doing that counts"...I don't know if I put this in my last blog or not, but even if I did, it still rings true! I am praying for the LORD's love to overflow from my heart into the hearts of the least! I am praying for His light to shine forth, so much so, that they can no longer see MY face, MY hands, MY feet, but ONLY the face, hands, and feet of Christ! I am praying that the words that proceed from my mouth are the words of God Himself, speaking to their very deepest needs! Please pray with me! I want nothing more and nothing LESS than for our GREAT God to be glorified right here in the heart of Calcutta! May I continue on with His strength, running and not growing weary, renewed by His mercies every single day!

A cold drink of water....

Tossing and turning in my bed last night for about 2 hours resulted in me sitting straight up in my bed and saying, "What, God?! Why can't I sleep right now?"...He just said, "Listen"...then, after a time, I just began praying for my journey to Kalighat today! After about 30 minutes, I finally fell asleep, but was off and on all night! Then, I woke up and met with the other volunteers at breakfast! I didn't really know anyone going to Kalighat that was around me, but I saw some Japanese people holding a sign, so I walked over to them and became quick friends with Takku and Atushi! They spoke English pretty well! I have found that one of the joys of this whole trip has been not only getting to learn about the different culture of India but of the cultures of all the foreign people I keep meeting! So far, I have met people from Scotland, Australia, New Zealand, England, Poland, Ireland, Japan, Mexico, Spain, France, Germany, and India (duh! :) )!

Well, shortly after introducing myself to the boys, we began to follow these girls who knew where to go! We walked to the bus stop, and when our bus came, we walked toward it! I soon came to realize, that cars are just always on the move here, so as the bus began to move ahead, I had to jump on real quick...they don't like to wait, I guess! We had about a 20 minute bus ride, and then a 5 minute walk, arriving at Kalighat! It was COMPLETELY different than I expected! It was just a whole lot cleaner (in terms of Calcutta)! The men and women are separated on different sides, the simplest of beds on two levels, lined up pretty much side to side!....a quaint little place! I thought there might be a little more guidance to the volunteers, but they basically showed us where to wash our hands, and get our aprons, gloves and masks, then simply said, "Just go help!"...so, I jumped right in on the female side! They had this whole system down! I filled some cups with water, helped give medications out, sat and held an elderly lady named Laila for about an hour (my back was killing me after, because she would not let me shift positions), and she was so precious! She was wanting me to sit and hold her, like a child and she rocked back and forth from time to time! then we walked a few patients, and put lotion on their arms and legs and gave them massages!...just little odds and ends! I am hoping to be able to help with wound care tomorrow, being a nurse and all, that really interests me!! :)

At 10:30, there was a tea break for the volunteers while lunch was being prepared for the patients, and we all went up to the roof, and I got SUPER excited, because on our last day, we can take pictures (inside and out), and the view of the streets is just INCREDIBLE from the roof, so get ready!!! :) After tea (which once again, HOT tea on a HOT day, but apparently, it helps you to sweat less, because your insides are hot...makes sense!! ), we helped serve lunch and then clean up after!!

There was one woman there named Krishna, and she was just a sad sort of woman. A hefty middle-aged amputee, who just sat there and stared straight ahead of her with no motivation to move or do anything! She seemed like she just wanted to be left alone and just to die! I kept finding myself praying for her, over and over!

I have found that none, so far, speak English, but when Christ talked about serving the least of these, he always mentioned actions...cold drink of water, clothing their nakedness, visiting them when they are sick/in prison, giving them food, etc...we are getting to serve Jesus through caring for the least of these, and what glory God is receiving! I just love working with these people too, because they all have such great hearts...not to mention, most are traveling alone, so they love to talk and get to know you!!

After the morning shift, Marjorie, Ciara and I decided to go to the Mother Teresa film, but we had to get the tickets from a friend named, Joan first. When we arrived at her house, she offered us tea, so we gladly accepted! She has been here for 15 years, and she works as a "paramedic". The healthcare is A WHOLE LOT different in Calcutta than it is in America!! She was telling us of the hospital situations and how it is just better to try and get well on the streets than it would be to go to the hospital! They are dirty, they cheat you on money, and they seem to not really CARE for you that much. Also, some kids are taken into slavery...it is just bad! I would say that I want to see it, but I don't know if I could handle it! She was SUCH a kind-hearted woman, though, and she is doing what she can to serve Jesus here and try to make a difference!

After tea, we went to the film, but it ended up being moved to another location, so we were all crammed in a tiny bus, and the boys were VERY respectful and gave us ladies their chairs, which was nice to see! Then, they said that there were too many people on the bus and it would be unsafe to drive, so they made us get off and said they would arrange for "private transportation"...which just meant a car, driven by one of the workers at the theater! Haha! So, when we finally made it to the auditorium, we had missed about 30 minutes of the film, but it was still pretty awesome the part we did get to see! Mother Teresa TRULY lived her life, fully for the LORD! She gave every little piece of herself to Him, and it was just obvious the type of impact Christ had through her, because it showed her funeral and all the different leaders of the world who attended! It was INCREDIBLE!! Christ used this lowly woman with a heart to love Him above all to change the world! How great is that?!?!!?!

Anyways, then we just caught a taxi back, and I am about to go to dinner with the girls! All in all, today was just sort of a time to get oriented with things at Kalighat, but I am hoping to be more involved on my next 4 days there!!! Please pray for my health and for the beautiful people I am privileged to be able to care for in their last moment of life!

A Change of Heart, A Change of Clothes...

Arriving in Kolkata, my heart was racing with excitement, with anticipation of what was going to happen next, how in the WORLD I was going to make it to the Missionaries of Charity, and probably also from the caffeine in the hot tea I had had on the plane! Also, it was QUITE a bit hotter in Kolkata then it was in Bangalore, so now I was starting to see what people meant by India being hot! I found a prepaid taxi place, which I thought would be easier to deal with, since there are so many taxi drivers looking for white people to rip off outside! I didn't get much direction from them as to what I needed to do after I walked outside, so I just winged it! I brought all my bags out the exit and walked down the line of people holding signs until a short, but persistent man asked me for my paper, and then grabbed it and my bags and motioned me to follow him. I did, because I saw the line of yellow taxis he was leading me to. I was just praying that God would get me there safely! When my bags were loaded in the taxi, he asked for a tip, because apparently he was not with the taxi company, he just helped people get their baggage to the taxi (which I could have done myself), but since I had fallen for it, and they HAD helped me, I paid them a tip, and then the driver came over, asked for my slip and the address. I showed him (because I had written it down), and he didn't know where it was! He had to run inside and ask, but then he came back, seeming pretty confident. While he was inside, an old woman approached my car and asked for money (my first experience with beggars here), and I gave her just a little, but she didn't seem satisfied, so I was just praying the driver came back, because I knew if he didn't I might give away all I had! The drive over was interesting, and we went from the "nice" city to the slums in all around 35-40 minutes! I took a short video of the traffic and of the streets, so I will hopefully be able to upload them at some point!!!...

When I arrived at the Mother Home, I got out of the taxi and there was a little girl there name Nayha there to meet me! She was wearing a school outfit, so I thought she was just part of the orphanage, but she had a woman with her, so I thought they might be mother and daughter. They took my bags up to the front door of the Mother Hoe, but I was about an hour and a half early for my "meeting" with Sister Mercy Maria, so they told me to go settle in my hotel and then come back. Well, I did not have reservations, because that was something I was hoping to discuss with the Sister. But, the little girl, Nayha suggested the BMS, and said she would take me there! What a little blessing! Her and the woman took my stuff down the street about 3 blocks to this hotel! When we got there, I paid the little girl some money, because they had been so kind to help me! I was just so grateful! They did not have many rooms available, but they said I could stay in the "dorm style" room, so I took it, not even knowing price or anythign about this place. I just wanted to feel settled, though! They took me to this room, and when i walked in there was 8 twin beds all pretty close, and two bathrooms! I was PLEASED to be there, because there were fans too! They told me that their check in lady was out to lunch but would come get me checked in soon! I sat down, took a deep breath, and then tried to just nap a little before I was to meet with the sister!

About an hour later, the woman showed up and had me come sign in. I saw above my name there was a girl who had just signed in from Kansas who was staying there as well, but I didn't know she was in my room too! I thought I was alone! Then, the woman told me of all the things the hotel offered, and I just began to feel SO much better! I also had just said to God earlier in my room, "LORD, I don't even know where I am going to get food or clean water to drink!"...and as she was talking, she said that the hotel offered lunch and dinner at a small extra price, and al the clean drinking water that I could have! Blessing!!!...When I went back to the room, I realized a poster on the wall with Romans 5:1 written out on it! then there was also an informational book for Christians on Islam, so I knew the pace I was staying in was good!!

I then walked outside to go to the Mother Hoe again to meet Sister Mercy maria, and the little girl and the woman were standing there! They wanted me to go buy milk for their little babies...long story short, I found out that they were professional beggars and the only reason they help white people is to say, we helped, not \\w you pay! The crazy thing is, they don't ask for money, they ask for food or milk...I felt so bad, but I had to go to the meeting, so they said they would wait! Oh gosh! I did not prepare myself for the sights of the poor on the street. I mean, I don't think you really can prepare yourself fully for this! It was just so different and more difficult than my little compassionate heart could handle!

I walked in the Mother House and realized there was some sort of celebration going on, and non one really seemed to be helpful at all. Everyone I asked said they didn't know or they didn't really seem interested in helping me find Sister Mercy Maria. One kind sister tried to give me direction, but apparently there was no registration that day, so I ended up watching the little puppet show that the sisters put on for the children about the life of Mother Teresa, because the next day (August 26) would have been Mother Teresa's 100th birthday. I don't know what it is about me traveling at the times of all these holidays and celebrations! I need to start checking that out before I go! Anyways, it was so cute, and the children loved it! After, I walked out, headed for the hotel and didn't see Nayha or the woman, so I tried to go fast. As I was about halfway there, though, I saw them walking 2 other white girls, and when they saw me, you could tell that they knew I had figured out their little scheme. So, I began walking a little faster, but another little girl had come up to me asking for milk, and I tried to refuse, but then the woman came back and caught up with me. They were both asking for milk, so I ended up caving and buying two milks, one for each, but the woman took both! I felt so bad, but an Indian man looked at me, and just signaled for me to just go. I have never seen such SAD faces in my life! They have definitely been practicing them for a while! I learned later that some of these children have even dropped out of school to become professional beggars, because it makes better money! How SAD!!...anyways, I turned around, and started to tear up, but I was determined to get to my hotel before i started to cry! A little boy approached me, but I just said, "No, sorry, no", and at that moment, my dad called, and I answered but said I couldn't talk at the moment (little did I know, the reason he was calling was because y text saying I had made it safe to Kolkata did not get through-and ALL of my texts have gone through so far- so he wanted to make sure I had gotten there alright! Coincidence, I think NOT!!!). I got back to my hotel and just let it all go! I was bawling my eyes out...and at that moment, I felt just so alone! I called my dad back though, when I had regained composure, and talked for a little, cried a little, but it was a short, yet encouraging conversation and exactly what the LORD had planned. Then, he called my mom, who texted Steven, who texted me (I'm starting to see this family chain thing going on a lot, but I love it! Hahaha! :) ) Steven was able to call me and talk for a little while, and it was so good for my heart to hear his voice! He knew exactly what to say, and God just gave me so much comfort in reminding me that I was NOT AT ALL alone! Steven even made me laugh, which was just what I needed! Then, I just sat in the room, reading, praying, writing! I found comfort in knowing too, that my dad had experienced something similar and my mom had been up all night praying for me! At around 8:30, my roommate came in!

Her name is Marjorie, and she is SUCH a blessing and joy from the LORD! She is a lot like me, just graduated and all, only she is here for 3 months!! We talked about ourselves and just things until 11PM that night! Also, by this point I had come to realize that God had planned for me to get to this hotel, for me to meet Marjorie, and for the next day to e a day of rest!

I woke up the next morning, having slept so well in peace! I had breakfast, and met two lovely English girls named Hannah and Ruth! They were both volunteering at another place, but they were so fun to talk to and get to know! I am actually going to dinner with them in a few minutes, so I need to hurry! Then, we went to mass at 10, and it had been a while since I had been to a proper mass! It was just insane with hoe many people were there, because of Mother Teresa's birthday and all! There were news crews and photographers all over the place! After mass, Marjorie and I met up with a girl named Ciara (pronounced Key-ah-ruh). She is from Ireland and had been there 3 years ago for a year, so she knew the area and was going to take us around the city to do some shopping and just have a relaxing day! We had lunch, then went for coffee at a place much like Starbucks(I QUITE enjoyed that!!)! Then, I bought some Indian pants, that are SOO much lighter than the skirts I brought to wear, and are so much cooler to wear in this weather! Then, we talked about how we are going to celebrate my birthday (with getting a Henna tattoo!!!...and they want me to pierce my nose too, which I am saying no, but they already have it set in their minds-please pray that I wont have to! Haha! :) ). Next we walked to Elliott Park (aka "Couple's Park), and it was hard seeing all the couples, because it made me miss Steven! But, then we went to the Victorian Memorial and rested for a bit on the grass. Once we got back to the hotel, I was able to freshen up, then we went to get some chicken egg rolls on the street! They are literally, chicken and egg, with green peppers and onions, wrapped up in a a chapatti(like a tortilla). It was SO good! I got mine spicy! Then, we headed in for bed! I was INCREDIBLY grateful for Ciara, because she just seemed to know so much about how to deal with beggars, and just street smart skills! I really have enjoyed her, AND her Irish accent!!! :)

This morning, I woke up, went to breakfast! There I met a sweet woman named, Kelly who was from CA, and she just happened to be traveling the world for the next 6 months and would be leaving Kolkata on next Saturday to go to PHNOM PENH, CAMBODIA!! Are you kidding me?!?!...She would be there at the same time as me, and did not have a place to stay, so I am going to see if Dani will have anywhere to suggest! How fun, though! Then, I got to read a little, take a little nap, and write in the new journal I just got! It came just in time, because I had just finished my second here! Then, at 1, Ciara came for us to get lunch, we had Dolsa on the street, at one of her favorite vendors, then, grabbed some fruit and milk to go! We went back to her little hotel and sat outside in the heat and drank hot coffee while eating fruit! It was just wonderful! At 3 ,we went and had orientaion/registration.

I had originally thought I wanted to work with the kids in the orphanage, but when I was going through the descriptions of the different places, I just lit up when I came to "Kalighat" (the Home for the Destitute and Dying)! It is the original house that Mother Teresa started! It is basically a place where people go to die! Our guide, named Will Conquer, came over and asked where I wanted to go, and I told him, Kalighat! He said that is where he was volunteering and stated that it is probably the hardest house to go to, but that it was just so worth it, especially if I was only going to be there for a week. He talked about how people come, dying of diseases or malnutrition and just have such looks of distraught on their little faces, because they do not know what is going to happen to them after they die! They have NO HOPE!! Then, Will spoke of how they just seem to gain joy and peace when we get to tell them about the salvation that Jesus offers!!!! He stated it will drain you and it is stressful at times, but the reward is so FAR greater!

I CANNOT WAIT to be drained forteh glory of Jesus! THIS is why He had me wake up a while back and pray for my journey! THIS is why He got me here and did have me register yet! THIS is why I had an extra day and a half to pray and rest! He was preparing the way for me to go serve him among the dying and destitute! I know this will be challenging, I know my little heart is just going to break for these people who are suffering, but I literally get to be a light in the darkness, share the sweetness of my LORD, and bring hope to the hopeless! Eph. 6:19 is my prayer, once again, and for always!!! I am SO thankful for this opportunity to serve! Please pray for these next few days! God is going to provide more than I can imagine, I am sure!

Sorry this was so long, but once again, God is just working so clearly, daily, and I cannot help but share and give glory to His name!!! :)

In You...

I was not planning on writing a blog today, because when I got to the library earlier today, I was just so unmotivated to write for some reason...I know, must be a shocker, that I can be unmotivated to write...but it happens...I don't really know what it was...tiredness, missing people back home, worrying, I'm not sure. But, what I do know is I left the library feeling just sorta bad. I can't really describe it. So, I went back to the guesthouse and decided that I needed to pray about my attitude and this odd "gloom" that had sort of clouded over me. I knew I needed some rest, so I laid my head on my pillow, began praying to my LORD, and He just confirmed what I was doing, "Rest. I will take care of everything!" So, I turned on some Shane and Shane (to block out the construction right outside my screen window) and fell fast asleep! I had planned on calling my little friend Joel to take me shopping after he got out of schol at 4, so I set my alarm for 3:45. At 3:44, I woke up, and the words playing to one of my favorite Shane and Shanes played assuringly in my ear,

"In You
I find my rest
In You
I find my death
In You
I find my all and my emptiness
Somehow it all makes sense
In You"

Wow!! Then, the LORD said, "Get up! Pray for your journey." I'm still not exactly sure what journey He is referring to, but I got up and prayed, nonetheless. I knew that I needed to come and write in here what I was meaning to say earlier, so I headed to the library (and I also do not think I am going to go shopping today. Maybe tomorrow). I'm not sure about the internet availability in Calcutta, and I am unsure if I will be able to write tomorrow, depending on when the Community Health Team makes it back from the village, so I knew this might be my last opportunity for a while.

There was a new girl who came to BBH just yesterday. Her name is Liz, and she just finished Med School in Australia (She is from New Zealand). We had breakfast this morning togeher, and I was praying in my journal this morning for her, and I said something along the lines of, "LORD, I pray that you intertwine her path with someone here who will be able to share the gospel with her." Throughout my conversation with her this morning, I began to think that she might not know te gospel at all. But right then, as I wrote that, God said, "You. You still have 2 more days here, and I am choosing you." I was praying for SOMEONE ELSE, but I have learned that when we pray for something, God is going to answer how HE wants! I am going to have dinner with her tonight at the guest house, and I think that is when I am going to share with her. Crazy thing is, she is sitting right next to me at the computers as I type! Hahaha! For some reason, I still get nervous to share sometimes. I'm still human, you know. But, the crazy thing about that is, I SHOULD be OVERJOYED with sharing about my Jesus and what He has done for me and all of humanity! He offers SUCH a gift that I have been blessed to receive, and I should want to share it with everyone I meet!! So, I think more than anything, I worry about how I will bring it up, but I know that God has very easily provided a way for me in the past, He provided a way for me to get to INDIA, so He is MORE than capable to do this! The main reason I share this with y'all now, too, is for accountability. So, be praying for my conversation with her tonight (dinner is at 6, which is 7:30AM Texas time), but if you are not awake, pray that God continues to work and move in her heart! :)

Also, I just received an email back from Kativa (the woman I met on the plane from Frankfurt to Bangalore), and she wanted me to come visit her on Weds, but that is when I leave for Calcutta, so I just told her that I was leaving that day, but I am hoping that our paths cross some other time in the future and hoped to stay in contact with her! So, you can be praying for her too!!

Thank you all for praying! I am hoping to be able to find someway to write in Calcutta, but if not, then I will just journal really well, and then update when I get to Cambodia!

Forgetfulness of God's Faithfulness can lead to disobedience

The title of this blog was the title of the sermon I received this morning from the Pastor. It was EXACTLY what God had intended for my heart to hear. I just got to talk for but a moment with Steven this morning, and it was SO wonderful, but still SO difficult to hear his voice, and not get to be near him. After talking though, I had one of the best times with Jesus I have had yet, here in Bangalore. I don't know truly what it is, but everytime I get excited about going home to see him, God says to me, "Surrender him to me. Surrender all." It is just so difficult everytime! I think it is because when I am so focused on home, and the possibilities I have there, I am not able to fully commit myself to the work I have before me.

God prepared me before I left for India to die...Now, that might sound morbid, but only He truly knows what is ahead, and I think He was saying to me, "If you are going to be able to handle and walk in obedience to all I have called you to on this mission, you are going to have to be SO surrendered to Me that you would be willing to die for My name." I don't know truly if He is speaking of dying physically. I have had to surrender all claims to my life here on earth to Him, but I think He is more so talking about DYING TO MYSELF.

After talking to Steven this morning, though, I began thinking, "What if I really did never set foot back in the States, because God called me home before then?" Then, my heart turned to Steven and my family. I prayed that if God would call me to such a task that He would have to PROMISE to take care of them all!!...Then, I knew instantly the voice of my sweet Savior when He said to me in that moment of grief, "Do you not remember all the times I have proved faithful in your life so far?!? Do you not think that I would be able to comfort them and take care of them? Don't you know that if I was taking you home, it would only be at the time when it would create most glory for Me?!?" iam brought to one of my favorite Psalms...It is when David is struggling with sorrow in his heart, but then at the end of it he states with certainty, "But I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoiuces in Your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for He has ben good to me." Psalm 13:5-6 So, once again, I cried out to Him, saying that I surrendered all, knowing that He is better than any such person or anything that He has blessedly ALLOWED in my life. These things that He has given me, are "on loan to me", like my mom says, to bring Him glory! My enjoyment and cherishment (I think I made that word up) of them can most CERTAINLY bring Him glory, but only when they are in their proper place, submitted to the Father!...

Wow,....talk about heavy stuff!!!...I hope this does not bring any discouragement to anyone, because more than anything, I want it to be an encouragement that Jesus is more than enough!! He is literally stripping me of EVERYTHING while I am here! Not physically, because these wonderful people are still in my life (THANK THE LORD), but He is bringing me to the place, where I know that He is better, He is worth living for, dying for, better than my words can even describe!! My prayer is that God will strip all of you in the same way, even if you ARE in America!

So, going to church this morning and hearing about how forgetfulness of God's faithfulness can lead to disobedience was just another reminder not to forget. The reading was out of Deut. 8, and oh what a blessing it was to hear of the LORD's faithfulness, and hear Him speaking over me, "I have been faithful, and will always be! Trust Me! I have gone before you, I WILL lead and guide you!"

Then, after church, I ended up meeting a wonderful woman who might be able to help me advance my career!! She was a nurse and talked to me about working and her journey to Bangalore when she was only a nursing student. She is so wise, and just a light to be around. I had met her kids the Sunday before. Then, they invited me to go to lunch with them, and our conversation about life and nursing only continued! I think her son is going to take me to the shops tomorrow (He's 10, so you don't have to worry about him trying to steal my heart, Steven! :) )! I am SO excited!! God says He will provide, and He does!! What a glorious God we serve! I know I keep saying that over and over, but the angels in Heaven, who are seeing God face to face keep saying over and over "Holy Holy Holy is the LORD God Almighty..." and that never gets old, so I don't think our praise of Him ever could get old either!...

I pray, church, that we NEVER forget the faithfulness of God, but rather it would SPUR us on to love and good deeds!

Prayer-FULL days...

After my shift on Thursday, I just heard the LORD saying to me, "Come spend time with me". I still had a little over two hours until my dinner was going to be ready, and it was such a beautiful day, so I decided to go get my journal and my Bible, and go sit on the swings in the little kid playground. I love to swing! Obviously, I am still a little kid at heart! I was the only one there, so I just swang and watched. Just like my mom, I am SUCH a people watcher! I prayed for people as they walked by, and I was just relaxing, talking to God. I think He knew that I was needing some time to just sit back and be filled up again! After swinging for a while, I decided sitting on the ant-infested benches would not be the best idea, so I got up and walked around the grounds of the hospital. I ran into Jincy (the nurse I had followed one day in the Private Ward) and Mark (my driver from the airport to the guest House). He told me he was looking forward to our drive together on Weds., since he is going to be the one to take me to the airport! After walking a while, I sat down at an empty table at the canteen (a place where staff and families can come and eat). I just read some Psalms and wrote in my journal, then headed back to my guest house, being refreshed by some much needed time with the LORD.

Yesterday (Friday...it is getting harder and harder to keep track of days here!), I was supposed to start prayer rounds with Ating, one of the pastoral care members, at 9, but they ended up having to sit in on a presentation, so I went back to the library until 10:00. I met her at the chapel, we got our tracks, prayed for our day, and then headed out. We went all over the hospital, because apparently, she had certain assigned patients. We started off in the Dialysis unit with a man named something I could not pronounce. He got a laugh out of my attempts, but realized I couldn't say it right, so he let me call him Armin for short. After hearing that he had been on dialysis for 1 yr. 3 mos, and that he had two sons, Ating said to me, "Okay, you pray for him." Then, bowed her head. She had me pray for the next patient too, and THEN she looked at me and said, "It's okay that I'm asking you to pray, right?" I just laughed and told her of course. The next patient we visited awas a young girl named Rajma. She had been hit by a car, and a patient I had seen sparingly on the first day I was in the private ward, so she and her family recognized me (Also I forget, it doesn't take much to recognize me here, even if you have only seen me once! Haha!). Ating asked her about her relationship with God and she said she prayed and went to church. I have found that the majority of people I have talked to in India are Catholic and very "spiritual". They go to church and pray a lot, but it is so sad to see in their hearts that they have no idea WHO it is they are truly praying to. It is an empty religious life they are leading. The tracks that Ating had given me were not even about the gospel. They were about seeking God when you are sick, but I luckily had some left from contacts with Cru in my purse, so I decided to give her one to read after we had prayed for her. The next few patients were the same, Catholic, but no true relationship with God.

The next room we hit was that of the sweet family I had been able to pray for in the PICU (Jikku, Gladia, Gladvin, and Jose). They were delighted to see me, because they had just been told that there was an infection in Gladia's blood, so they would have to stay a little longer until they found out what it was and how to treat it! I was so sad to hear that, but I was able to offer encouragement and pray for them once more. Afterward, Jose said to me, "You and your prayers are like a river of life. You are going to be such a sweet blessing to your husband one day!" I thought that was so sweet, so I thanked him, but reminded him, that I am just a vessel, through whom Jesus lets flow His living water. They have been so kind to me, though! I just pray they get to go home soon!

Next, we went to the endoscopy/scanning waiting room and sat by a woman named Jiffee. She said she was there because she had found a clavicular node about 5 years ago, but never had it checked out, because it had not given her problems. But, just recently it started to pain her, so she decided to get it checked out. She asked me why I was there (like all of the patients had! :)), and I told her a little about me, but then she was called back for her scan. At this point, Ating and I got to talk a little. She got a little giddy at one point, just wanting to know about me and my family. I thought it was sweet that so quickly a friendship was growing between us. I told her about me, then got to hear a little about her. She is 26 and has 5 siblings. Her family lives in NE India, where she is from, and she has not seen them in 1 1/2 YEARS!! She said it was because it took her 4-5 DAYS on the train to get to her city, and then a WHOLE NIGHT on a bus to get to her house. She could not afford plane trips. I was utterly shocked. People in America complain about having to drive for 10 hours to get home, but they don't have to be on a hot dirty train for 4-5 days, and THEN take a bus to get home! The more I visit other countries, the more I realize how vain our complaining is. We have no idea how good we have it in America, sometimes. I then got to tell her all about my boyfriend, Steven, and encourage her that waiting is worth it! She was very thankful for my the short version of our story that I shared, and said it was good to be reminded that God is in control!

Jiffee, then came out again, and started to ask more about us. Then, I got to the point where I asked her about what she thought of God. She told me that she was not like many other people. She did not go to church, but she believes in God and knows that He is the One who has been getting her through her hard times in life. It was difficult to gauge with this short conversation her true beliefs, because she was kinda all over the place, but still, a very confident person when she speaks. She mentioned something about Campus Crusade in Bangalore, though, and I got really excited. I pulled out the last track I had(I thought. I found another this morning)and gave it to her, saying I had gotten it from Cru. She had to leave, but before she did, we prayed for her.

We ended up getting to pray for about 6 other patients, and then we called it a day. Ating and I talked a little longer and exchanged emails. I made sure that she knew I was going to be in the PICU and that she could come and say hi, whenever, and I would try and drop by the chapel too. She looked so sad to part ways. So, I asked if I could pray for her, before I left, and she was very thankful.

Today (Saturday), I was in the PICU again, and not too much happend, I am asserting myself in confidence more, though, and the nurses are becoming more comfortable in me helping out. I did catch a glimpse of some miscommunication between staff (and how it was affecting, very much, the health of a child)and a lack of professionalism in dealing with the matter. It was a little difficult to watch, but it is one more thing I am taking notes on that need to be taught when starting such a facility.

So much keeps happening here, and I know that God is not through using me yet, here in Bangalore, because I AM STILL HERE for 3 more days! Please pray for perseverance and strength, and PLEASE keep Gladia and her family in your prayers!

No more "normal" life...

It's sad how some people think that miracles only happen when they are in a third world country, but then they are returning to "normal" life when they get home. Maybe I'm the only one who has ever had this thought, so maybe I'm only speaking to myself. If I am just bear with me....I hope I never have a "normal" life again. Miracles are all around us. I just think we need to pray to have our eyes open to see them, to stop focusing on our needs and look to the needs of others, ABOVE our own. The beauty of a miracle is not what people see on the outside, it is the change that happens on the inside. I don't think that Jesus healed the blind, deaf, lame and sick, so that they could go around saying, "Yes! I can see/hear/walk/be healthy again". I think Jesus was changing something on the inside, making Himself known as the One to give what He knew they needed. Time and time again Jesus asked them if they had faith, or talked about how their sins were forgiven. The physical miracle they received was more of just a symbol, something they can look back to, to remember thier faith, or that their sins had been forgiven. Every memory we have has a physical reminder of some sort, so when we are talking about what God did, or even just how we felt in that moment, there is something there we recall in our minds. This might not even make sense to anyone else...maybe I just needed to write this to think it through...and maybe even some of it is wrong, but it is just what was on my head the way over to the library.

The reason it was on my head, though, was because I am experiencing this right now! Yesterday morning, I came to the library to write emails and my blog early, because apparently that's when the internet works best. I felt sorta bad that I was going to show up to the PICU late, but I just knew this would be the only time to blog. After finishing at the library, I went to the entrance of the hospital, but was still responding to a text I had received from Steven, so I sat down on a chair, I thouhgt random, but God knew that I was sitting there for a reason. About mid-way through the text, a woman from the pastoral care team came up to me, because she had recognized me from the PICU when she was praying over the patients. Her name is Athine. I really had no idea why she was wanting to just sit and talk to me, because she didn't really even seem to have anything to say, other than "What is your name?" But, I asked her about how it was, praying for Hindu patients, as in, were they receptive to prayer? She said yes, that for the most part, every person she has asked to pray for, Christian or not, have been very receptive, but some say no. I was SO excited to hear that, and since I have no formal schedule here, I just asked her if I could go around with her the next day and pray with the patients. She sounded delighted to have me go with her! I am SUPER excited about today!!! Then, as if that wasn't enough excitement, another woman came and approached me.

I think I have failed to mention this story, but now, it is the perfect time to tell it. While I was in the PICU on Tuesday, I was just watching all the children, observing, reading charts. Well, there was a little one, only 29 days old in bed 5. Her name, I came to find out, was Gladia. She was SOOOO precious! She had come in with possible convulsions and a respiratory infection. At one point in the day, she was crying, so I went over to try and console her, but the nursing student quickly came and picked her up. After that, I knew that we were allowed to pick her up, so I was determined the next time she cried to go and pick her up, because all I wanted to do was hold her! Well, about 30 minutes later, she started to cry again, so I got up, washed my hands, and picked her up! She was such a tiny blessing in my life. Her little features were so soft and beautiful. She fell fast asleep in my arms, as I rocked her back and forth (not shake, like some of the nurses do here. I think it is a cultural thing, Idk) and hummed lullabyes to her. I just wanted to hold her forever, but they had called her mom(Jikku), so when I saw her walk through the door, I placed Gladia back on the bed, and her mom came and stood beside her. I went and sat down, but then watched as her mother was almost in tears, just worn out, and God said, "Go talk to her". I went over and told her that her little girl was so precious and beautiful. She responded with, "Thank you, I just wish she was okay." From there, she felt comfortable enough with me to tell me how she has just been in and out of the hospital, with Gladia, who had bilirubin problems when she was born, then, she, herself, had come to get a cyst removed from her arm, then her little boy, Gladvin got sick, and now this...She also just briefly mentioned, "We are trying to remember that God is there to help us." So, right then, I said, "Can I pray for you?" She said that would be nice, so I just said a little prayer. It was just the cry of my heart for this little one and her family, nothing special in my mind. But, I had no idea how God had planned to work! When I opened my eyes she was crying. I went over and gave her a big hug, forgetting that in their culture, they don't really hug at all, but she was receptive. At this point, it was my time to go, so I headed out....

Now back to yesterday morning. As I was just overjoyed with getting to opportunity to pray with people around the hospital the next day, Jikku and her little son, Gladvin approached me. I quickly remembered her. She began telling me how they had gotten to move out of the PICU to the Pedi ward. Then, she just said how much my prayer meant to her, because I didn't know it, but she was at the breaking point. She said she was depressed and in a pit, but that prayer was like an annointing from God, because it gave her the strength to keep going. Her little son had just been discharged that day too. She also commented on how her husband was really depressed too, but when she got to talk to him, she realized that God had sent me to pray for her, so that she could then uplift him. WOW....amazed, I sat there...not at my simple obedience to pray, but at the complexity of how God works. He knows His children so intimately, and knew that a silly little girl like me could be used for HIS glory! She then wanted me to follow her to go see the baby. I walked in the room and she was looking SOOO much better. Jikku told me that when she had gotten to the hospital, she had not been breathing for 5 minutes and was completely blue(that means brain damage, in my head), but then when she entered the hospital, God began giving Gladia breath. Her husband(Jose) came in, and Jikku said that I was the one who had prayed for Galdia. He was so excited to meet me. Then, she told me that people had prayed for her and Gladia a lot, during her stay in the hospital, but there was something about my words that was different. It was the confidence and faith that I had when I said what I did. The other people had always just prayed, "LORD, heal this baby", but she said that I said with confidence, "LORD, I know you are holding this baby and this family, and You are Sovereign and in control". I was only speakinbg from experience! Just knowing that He was holding me, and knowing His loving nature. She gave the credit where it was COMPLETELY due, though, by saying it must not have been me talking, but God speaking through me, because it was EXACTLY what she needed to hear! All praise and Glory to the One Who sees all, knows all, and can comfort like no human can! So, anyways, we talked for a little bit longer about me being here, then I had to head to the PICU, but I was able to pray once again for this sweet family!!!

After lunch, I went back to get a picture, and she was so glad that I did, because she wanted to get my email to give me updates on Gladia and her family! What a joy and blessing to be a part of the Mighty hand of God working!!! I still sit here in awe of my Savior!!

Like I said, miracles are happening all the time, but we just have to open our eyes to see them. It does not take us being in a third world country to pray for a mother you see in distress at WalMart, or just to talk to someone standing in line next to you at the bank. Now, you might not as easily see them again (unless you live in Midland or Lubbock...hahaha!), but we should just be open to listen for the LORD to give direction. For His Name's sake, He will lead and guide us (Ps. 31:3)! It was no BIG feat for me to go and pray. From the outside, that might look very small, since I have been praying for people a lot this trip, but God knew the miracle He was setting up, and I know He is the same in America as He is here in India.

I could go on and on about the rest of our conversation after my morning shift, but this has been long enough, so I will write more of the story in my next blog! I gotta go do some praying!!!! :)

Familiarity and Confidence Gained...

I have been placed in the PICU the past two days, and I am beggining to realize what a blessing this type of familiarity has given me! Like I said, in one of my earlier blogs, it was hard for me in the beginning to just sit back and observe, because the Indian nurses were always so concerned with my comfort. But, in this somewhat familiar environment, I am gaining the confidence needed to actually start DOING more, to help out where needed! I have also realized that if I just do, instead of ask, they are fine with it! They are even starting to ask me more questions about how we do things back in the states, so I have been able to share some of my techniques!

First of all, when I showed up at the PICU on Tues, all of the babies were new, except Spoorthy, but she was looking a lot better, that's for sure! And, only about an hour into the shift, she got the orders from the Dr. to go to the PEDI FLOOR!!! I was SO overjoyed, and when she got the news, I saw for the first time, those precious cracked lips form a sweet smile! Her mom was happy too! BEST NEWS EVER!!!

One of the new babies there was named Vinay! He was a 3 y.o. who had inhaled some lysol. It also got into his eye, giving him an eye infection! He was a sad little case, because there was this look of complete despair on his face the whole time! He kept saying, "Kara", which me "take off or remove" (b/c he didn't like the tubes in him) and "Amah", which means "mother" over and over and over. He was so restless, and his breathing had SUCH audible crackles (which means fluid and inflammation in his lungs). At one point, the doctor was talking to his dad and his grandparents about how they were doing everything they could, but there really was nothing more they could do for now. They just had to watch and wait! In my head, that was so wrong! There had to be something they could do! The family was getting upset and telling the Dr. that they wanted to take him to another hospital, but the DR. assured them they would say the same thig! I was thinking suction, or Chest Physiotherapy, but they don't have suction here, and she didn't know if CPT would cause more inflammation. I did, later on that day, adjust his pillow so that he would be lying more upright to help him breathe better. I also found out later that the only reason his mother had not come to see him was because she, herself, was in the hospital with a lower respiratory tract infection. Can you imagine, your baby being sick, and you, yourself, have to be sitting in a hospital bed away from him! On Weds, though, he was sounding a little better, and I found out his mom had come to visit him some! He is so calm when she is around, but all he wants to do is be held by her, and she was so weak that it took everything in her to hold him for a couple minutes! After lunch on Weds, I had not planned to go back, but God kept telling me I needed to! He told me, "Trust Me! I will make it worth your while!" So, I went! When I got there Vinay was standing up on his bed crying for his mother, and so I went over there, and he practically leaped into my arms! So, I held him for about 20 minutes, trying to console him until his mother got there, and patting his back (to help get some secretions up) and humming, which made him seem to calm down more. He liked to look outside too, and me, being among the tallest people in India, was able to lift him high enough to look out! Then, his mother got there, and so I handed him over, and she said thank you, with such gratitude in her eyes, even though the pain was still evident! I thought to myself, if that was all I was needed for, thank you, LORD for making me come! It was only 3:00 at that time (which is when I normally leave, but God for some reason was telling me I needed to stay until at least 3:30). I just sat down to watch and pray. About 10 minutes later, a new baby was brought in (making it 6 in this ICU, with only ONE NURSE). The nurse started an IV on the baby, and then laid him back down. He was probably only 2 months old. His oxygen reading started to drop, because he just kept crying, so I went over and just lifted him up. His saturation level went back up, which is good, but he was still crying, so I picked him up to rock him a little. He was still crying and the nurse said, "He's fine you can put him down. He'll stop crying." I felt bad just putting him down, so I sat him in his little bed, and began patting his back. He just needed to be burped! After that, he stopped crying! I have watched after mother's feed their babies here. They just rub their back instead of burping them, so that's all he needed. I laid him back down and he fell asleep. Once again, though, his saturation level started to drop, so I lifted him up again until his mother came to hold him. I explained to her about the oxygen levels and how sometimes they just need to be sitting upright (especially, because this baby has a respiratory infection, he would probably be spitting up a lot, and needed to be sitting up, so he wouldn't choke!) After all of this, I was able to leave, and all I could say to God was, "Thank you for choosing to faithfully love your children, even if it is through unwillingly obedient people like me"!

I have one more story. Mid day, a new baby came in. He was a 5 month old little chunk. He needed an IV to be started, so the nurse went over, and I got to be the one to take his attention off of being poked, so I played with his belly, and talked to him in words, I'm sure he didn't understand, but he was laughing and would NOT take his eyes off of me (probably because he had never seen someone with sich light skin or eyes). But, the same nurse kept trying and trying to get an IV started, and because he was a little chunkier, it was difficult for her to get a vein. The mother finally came in and saw him crying, so she told them to stop. She did not speak Kannada (the nurses' native language) or English, so they were truly unable to communicate with her. So, they stopped, and sent for someone to try and tell her the necessity of the IV. I had also decided in my mind that if they were going to try again, that I was going to ask if I could do it, because I couldn't stand seeing him be stuck any more times! We left the mother with her baby, and I looked in the charts to see what the religion of this woman was. She was Hindu. So, I began praying over her! I also sat back and watched the other parents in the PICU try and explain to her why she needed an IV in the baby, showing her thier kids, and finally one of them was able to get through to her. The nurses didn't try again though, until the DR. came and talked to her. I walked over at one point and just played with the little baby again, and made him smile! This made his mother smile, and I was able to pat her back while she cried! I cannot imagaine being in a new place, where your baby is sick, people are poking him and making him cry, and you cannot understand anything they are saying to you...and on top of that, not knowing the GOD you can trust in!!

All in all, I have thouroughly enjoyed my time in the PICU and that is where I am headed right now! I'm glad I was able to tell all my stories! Praise be to God who gives me strength beyond strength, who provides overflowing, making me more desperate for Him! Until next time....please be praying for all these sweet babies and their families! :)

Unexpected blessing from the least expected places

I was preparing myself all weekend for today, because I knew it was probably going to be my hardest task yet. I was told on Saturday that I would be given the opportunity to travel with the Palliatiive Team (Dr. Ravi, Beefina, and Viayashlee), and so I did. I got to sleep in a little more, and have a longer time with Jesus this morning, because they did not plan on leaving until 9:00. However, it is typical of Indian culture (and much of American culture as well) to never leave on time, so we did not end up leaving until 9:45. Before we did, sister Viayashlee said a prayer. She prayed for all of the sick people and their families, and prayed for them to have hope and for salvation! It definitely got me fired up!

Being here alone, I have not been able to go outside of the hospital grounds much. Yesterday was the first time, when I went to lunch with the Woods. So, it is always an exciting experience. Good thing I have been in African traffic before, because otherwise I would not be able to handle the hectic, yet organized in its own way, traffic here. Also, there are cows in the middle of the road or just grazing through the trash, men using the restroom wherever they please, something being sold on every corner, and I even saw 4 people riding on a motorcyle (I hear the record is 7).

We visited 5 patients today, most of them with cancer of some sort. To those who are unfamiliar with Palliate Care, it is care for those who are in the last stages of life, living at home. Some just refer to it as "comfort care". Now, you might see why I was expecting this day to be the hardest so far. I found it interesting when Dr. Ravi told me that they normally do not let the patient know their diagnosis. If the family wants them to know, then we tell them, but otherwise, it is just between the family and the team. We stayed two whole hours at the first house. He was a new patient, and so Dr. Ravi had to gathger all the information about the patient that he could. This family cared so much about the patient and you could tell they were doing everything they could to make him feel more comfortable. They were so grateful for us coming by to help them (and really, I did nothing but observe, but they kept thanking each one of us SO much). Here families are quite involved in their family member's care, knowing dates and exact symptoms, because they don't have the luxury of having records in a computer somewhere, like we do, and they are also just so close here. It is not uncommon for more than one family to live under the same roof, even if it be a small roof.

The next couple of patients that we visited were hard for me, because not much English was spoken, and I was starting to get tired. I have noticed that no matter how much sleep I get, I still get tired. I am always trying so hard to focus on what they are saying, and my mind is CONTINUALLY full of thoughts, prayers or taking notes on everything I see and experience(not to mention just trying to remember how to pronounce the names of all the people I meet!). The exhaustion is worth it though. I am not going to be in India forever, so I am trying to take in as much as I can, and give of myself, the same.

THEN, we came to Sajamma's house!!!! She was BY FAR my favorite patient to visit!! When we entered, we had to wait a little while in her living room, full of little stuffed animals and scripture, but then we were called back into her bedroom. At first sight, I fell in love with her. She was an 80 year old woman, unmarried, no children, but as peachy as could be! At first glance, you would never know she had anything wrong with her. She was wearing this bright yellow dress with polkadots (a woman after my own heart! Haha!) and a back brace. She welcomed us in her room with such a sweet smile. Dr. Ravi intorduced us, and she began asking me all about ME, even though we were there to see HER! She wanted to know everything about me, and when she asked why I was in India, I told her that I just love travelling, and the LORD had led me here. Her eyes lit up when I mentioned our sweet Jesus. Then, I said, "Well, tell me about you!" She commented, "I am so glad you mentioned the LORD! I can tell that you have a heart to share about Him, just like me!" Then, she bagan to tell a story that you could easily see she had told MANY times before, "I will tell you a story about my life. Let me ask you a question first, though. Have you ever heard of supernatural healings?" And, I said that I had and I very much believed in them. I told her of the little boy who was cured of cancer at my church in Lubbock, and it was a rapid healing. She started up again, "Well, that is so good to hear. I have received a supernatural healing from the LORD, but mine did not happen so quickly". This is where I am not sure that I understood everything she said, but I got the main parts. Fourteen years ago, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She did not seek treatment, because the LORD had told her, "I am going to heal you. Trust me. I want to use your story to bring faith to others." So, she decided against telling anyone about this illness. It kept getting worse and worse, but every day she read from Isaiah 53:4-5. Through this the LORD would promise her every day that He was going to heal her. SEVEN years later, she went to the doctors, because her wound was starting to open and all of the skin was necrotic(dead). She just needed to know how to clean it. When she arrived the doctors told her that she could clean it, but there was no way to treat it now. They couldn't even operate. She said something I wil never forget though. In her words, "They told me chemotherapy would not help. But, Jesus told me His blood would be poured in me and act even better than chemo. They said radiation would not help. But, Jesus told me that HIs Holy Spirit, His firey Holy Spirit would come down on me, and kill off any cancerous cell. They told me they could not operate. But, Jesus told me that He had given me His Word that is sharper than any two-edged sword, and He would use it to cut off any dead or bad cell in my chest"....WHAT INCREDIBLE FAITH?!?!?!? I sat, speechless, in awe!! The doctors (SEVEN of them) told her she would have anywhere from 3 days to 3 months to live. She went home, and just as she had done before, prayed over Isaiah 53:4-5, placing her name in it. Since the doctors thought she would not last long, they came every day, and just cleaned her wounds...3 days went by, then 3 weeks, then 3 months. The next day, she woke up and looked at her wound, NEW SKIN HAD STARTED TO GROW!!!....In case you did not know, necrotic skin is DEAD! There is no way to make it better, it can only be cut off. The fact that new skin began growing was a MIRACLE, and ONLY JESUS was to be praised for it! The docotrs could not believe their eyes, and they stated they had never seen such a healing in all of their practice. One of them, a Hindu woman commented on this healing saying, "It must have been from her God. Nothing else could have done this. I was even able to see the healing WITH MY OWN EYES, and I was amazed! Only a scar left, but no necrotic skin, no bone weakness or pain, nothing! As I said earlier, it has been 14 years since her diagnosis, after 7 years they gave her 3 months, and her 3 months turned into 7 plus years, and all this was because of her faith in the ONLY one who could have made this possible! I could not stop smiling, and even the nurses commented afterward about how they could tell it encouraged me. It seems as though, the more difficult the tasks the LORD sets before me, the more grace and joy He gives. His grace is TRULY sufficient to keep me going strong! I got a picture of her, too, because I told her I wanted to share her story, and she was SOO excited!! When I showed her the picture, she just said, "See, I don't even look sick!", and then the Viayashlee said, "Yeah, if you took a picture of us, WE would be the ones looking sick!" Hahaha! I also did not go into this day expecting to share such laughter and happiness with the nurses inside the patients' houses. Sajamma was cracking jokes, and then they would talk in their language and just crack up, and even though I had NO IDEA what they were talking about, I joined in, because the joy of the LORD was so thick in that place! Before we left, Dr. Ravi asked if I would pray! What a privilege!! I prayed with such joy in my heart, and then after, Sajamma wanted Viayashlee to pray too. Then we all said our goodbyes.

The last house we visited was a Muslim home. It was crazy to me how nice it was, because from the outside, all of the houses look the same. This man was in his late 70's, and his son was doing most of the talking for him. He was quite a stubborn man, very weak, with some sort of cancer. We were just doing a check up. Throughout the whole visit, I was praying for the hearts of him and his family! Such a sweet family, but still so lost. His daughter-in-law had made us sweets and tea. There was one more than there were people, so we all had one and drank our tea. But, this man was so persistent that I have another that he got up, walked over the tray where they were, and brought it over to me. I took it and reluctantly, but thankfully ate it (my stomach hurts a little now, but it is worth it to make him feel better). Afterward, we were saying our goodbyes, and when he grabbed my hand, he said, "I hope to see you again and again and again!" In my head, I was saying, "I pray I see you again too! In heaven for all of eternity"! I kinda wish I had said it out loud, but something held me back. Then, we started to walk out the door, and he followed us. His son was surprised and commented on how he has never felt this well to walk as much as he was in a day and even to follow a guest outside was shocking. Oh, I pray the LORD changes that sweet man and his family's hearts!!!

So, overall, a day full of exhaustion, hard situations to handle, but more joy and grace to cover it all! All glory to my precious Jesus who is the ONLY One to bring such unexpected blessing from the least expected places.

Swords and Sweet Serenity

As each new day arrives, God opens my eyes a little more to why I am here, and the plans He has for me in the future! Getting to talk to Steven on the phone yesterday for even the little time we did was more of a blessing than I could have ever asked the LORD for! I told my roommate about the conversation at breakfast, and she commented, "Oh, well, that describes the glow about you!"(in her brilliant Scottish accent!)! I could NOT stop smiling. When, I reached the nurses station, I found out I was only to work a half day, because it was a Saturday. I was placed in the Peciatric ICU. I was excited to see yet another area of the hospital, and once again with little babies! I arrived in my natural state of joy, but that is when all of the conflicting emotions set it. My joy in Christ was not to be shaken, but my heart began to ache more than it has on this whole trip so far. It took everything in me to hold back from tears. There was only enough room in the ICU for 5 babies/children. One of the babies had breathing difficulties/pneumonia, two were suffereing from Dengae Fever, and two from convulsions/seizures. I had never seen such a bad case of Dengae before, but apparently it is very common here. After being intorduced to the children, I began looking around at all the the supplies, the crash cart, and the intubation and ventilatioin kits....it was all so old and the medications were scare. From then on, I was able to read some charts and some information books on Dengae Fever, the whole time observing the children and their situations. All I could think of is how easy it is for us Americans to bask in our comfortable lives and not even think twice, if even ONCE, about the conditions others across the world have to live in. What are we doing wrong as a church? Why are we not more mobilized?

One of the sweet babies with convulsions woke up and started crying for his mommy. When she got there, his tears immediately stopped, as he found so much securtiy in her presence. His name is Ayaan, a 2 year old little blessing. He made me laugh on multiple occassions, whether it was from his little dance after getting a drink of water, his infatuation with the baby in the bed next to him, or sticking his tingue out at me and then giggling when I did it back. Once again, God creating good from a situation where it seems there is none. On the other hand, there was another child who never cracked a smile. Her name was Spoorthy, a 4 y.o. girl who was deaf and had 2nd degree Dengae Fever. She was getting a blood transfusion, because she was practically bleeding out. I watched as her hopeless mother sat next to her bed, doing all she could to try and make her little baby comfortable, yet there was no joy to be seen on her face either. It was easy to see she had been there a while, and not resting as she should have been. I couldn't help but pray for God to meet here in her deepest need to and to heal her child. However, there was one joyous moment with Spoorthy! I noticed a little angel doll sitting on the cabinet next to her, so I got up, and asked if she wanted it, by just showing it to her. She reached as far out as she could, and then grabbed it and tucked it close into her arms. There wasn't a smile on her face, but that could have been because her lips were so cracked and sore that smiling would have only caused her pain. There was a smile in her heart though, because then she quickly fell asleep. So, like I said such conflicting emotions, joy with Steven and I, joy with little Ayaan, and sorrow for the innocent ones being stuck in a hospital bed that would have been easily thrown out by any American hospital. I prayed that God would let me see the good in all of it, and once again, He came through!

Sidenote, after seeing how each of these precious mothers interracted with their sweet babies, it made me SUPER excited for all the preggos that I know to have their babies, because I CANNOT WAIT to get to play with them....and for one day to be a mother myself! :)

As I mentioned in the beginning, I am learning more why I am here as time goes on. Well, most everyone knows that I am wanting to start medical clinics in Africa one day. Well, I am starting to think that a hospital might be a better place to start. I also received an email from a friend I have yet to meet, and he was telling me about some people he knows wanting to build a hospital in Ethiopia. This got me thinking. The hospital I am in right now started from the ground up by the dream of one woman, a surgeon named Rebekah Naylor, who I am actually going to be able to meet, the day before I leave! I am reading her biography right now, and it tells of how she went through all the harship to get this hospital to where it is now! I think I have a lot to learn from her, and I hoping to be able to stay in contact with her. Also, I was sitting in the PICU, I had some downtime to think about all the many details that go into starting a hospital, all the resources and man power you would need. I am sure I would be amazed to see where the hospital is now from where it started. So, I am glad to have seen firsthand, how difficult this feat is going to be, but also encouraged to know that it can be done! I am taking lots of notes, Jae! :)

Last night was another tough night of thick spiritual warfare! It is obvious that the enemy does not like what is going on here, but I am praying against it, and to continually be clothed with the armor of God, with prayer, and the Word as my sword! Fighting the battle with any other earthly materials would only render this battle a loss. With Christ alone do I gain victory, for He has already won! My beloved Jesus was so sweet to speak truth over me all night, though, until I fell asleep! What a glorious and compassionate God we serve!

So, as to not make this post much longer, I just wanted to add that it is Indian Independence Day today so, I was able to attend the flag raising outside the hospital. Then, I had chapel and met some more Americans who I might be able to go through the town with. I need to get an authentic Indian outfit to wear to chapel next time, because I want them to try and start seeing me as one of them, not a "famous American". Also, before the service, Pastor Benny asked me to go to lunch with him and his wife, Carolyn! They are such a sweet couple, and they took me to a place downtown called "The Only Place", because it used to be the only place in India where you could get beef! Haha! There I was, having a burger in the middle of India! Who would have guessed?!?!...I have also emailed Kativa to see if I am going to be able to visit her soon! I have not heard back yet, but I am still praying that that all works out! :)

Keep praying for me. Specifically, you can be praying Eph. 6:19, "Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the the mystery of the gospel."

Indescribable Joy and comfort...His supply never runs dry!

Who would have thought that a room full of sick babies and dirty exam rooms could bring so much joy?!?!...but I have come to learn that where the LORD is, joy follows! We are called to rejoice in Him always, are we not?!?...

So, today began off with a privalege to attend Friday chapel with my roommate that I have failed to mention. She came two nights ago. Her name is Lorna, and she is a 50-something Scottish woman who is a chaplain at a hospital back home. She is studying the Indian way of thought, along with teaching some classes at the Theological College here!...to say in the least, she is pretty legit, and easy going, like me! During chapel, they talked about community. I think the message was a little off, but one thing I know for sure is that when he read God's Word from Romans, it did not return void to the ears that heard it! After the service, we were taken down to the new storage room that they just recently had built! I cannot even begin to describe what the LORD revealed to me in such a short moment. The pastor just talked about the storage room and how GRATEFUL they were to have it, while ALL of the people who had attended chapel weree squished together in the hallway (I'm sure it was a fire hazard, but they didn't seem to care). Then, he prayed a prayer of thanks to God, and we walked through it, singing. I have never been in such a small storage room in my life, and yet, they are so thankful for the blessing of it. They might not have all the resources to heal a person physically at this hospital, but they most deinitely know the Ultimate Healer, and know they can ask anything in His name, and He will not hold back! They are so bent on praying, which I have come to see creates such a spirit of humilty and an attitude of thankfulness for what you have! On this little high of Jesus, I was taken to the Pallaitive Care office and told that I would be able to go with the team on Monday to visit the homes and help treat those who are too sick to make it to the hospital! It is going to be an all day adventure! I was SO PUMPED, it was REDICULOUS!!...But, since they weren't going today, I was able to head over to the PEDIATRIC area! It is times like these that God makes it so clear that I am to work with children. The waiting room was PACKED, and babies were crying and were sick, but since God had given filled me overflowing with joy already that morning, I was able to spill over on a few of the least of these. Once again, I was doing more observing, but I didn't mind, as long as I got to see little saddened faces light up, with a simple smile from me.

I got to help comfort one little baby boy in particular that was having his blood drawn, and after it was done, and his mother came in, she tried to speak to me in the little English that she knew. This consisted of "Hello. How are you?...Did you get your breakfast?", and the like. Sidenote. I am beginning to catch on to this Indian culture. They ask me a lot about my food, my breakfast and my lunch, as if they are making sure I am taken care of, but also, I feel it is one of the main English phrases they know. Also, there is the head bobble from side to side to indicate "okay" or "yes". They don't use a nod. Also, they don't hug, but there is a lot of arms and hand touching. And, since I am American, they like to stare A LOT!...I am getting used to all of this, so be aware if I come home bobbling my head and asking how your breakfast was, while holding your hand! Haha!....okay, back to the story. After dressing her baby, she took my hand and put it on his head, and then placed her hands together in a praying motion. So, I prayed. It was such a sweet moment for me. I don't know if she knew I loved Jesus or if she just assumed that because I was American I would pray for him, but either way, I was glad to! I found out later that his name was Canaan, like in the Bible (that's what she told me). After saying my goodbye, I headed out to the front of the pedi center, and noticed a little boy with his family. I gave him a "surprised" look with my mouth open and he found it HILARIOUS!...so, he started doing it back to me, so I would do it, and then he laughed histerically! I loved it! We played for a while, until he was called back. At that time, two little girls came down the hall, and I was able to play patty cake with them until they were called back as well. Overall, I did a lot of playing, and comforting little babies! What a WONDERFUL day!!

So, I am now becoming more comfortable in this hospital, finding my way around, and not afraid to ask questions or to help out when I can! God is giving me joy abounding! His well never runs dry! What a SWEET BLESSING it is to be able to touch these little ones and do something that might seem so meaningless, yet even if it had no impact on them, God is using it to change my heart!

Holding Unswervingly...

There are so many thoughts going through my head right now, it is hard to think of just one thing to focus on, so I apologize if this is somewhat random and all over the place. I pray that you will still be able to follow along.

I was placed in the Private Ward the past two days to help out the nurses. I was SUPER excited to finally be following nurses to see how they work here. However, I found that they had me doing more observing than helping, and I became a little discouraged. After all, I came here to volunteer my time and help out, not just to sit back and watch. As an American, these precious foreigners go out of their way to make you feel comfortable and happy. I tried to explain that I wanted to help out, but in their nature they still wanted me to be happy. I was talking to God later that night, after my first day in the Private Ward, and asking Him why He saw it fit to send me all the way to India to sit in a hospital and OBSERVE. One of the many things He reassured me of was that I am NOT here for me, and I am NOT here to help make things better for them (in the way that I thought I would be), I am here to bring glory to Him. I always seem to have these preconceived notions about how God is going to use me or how He is going to do things in my life, and He always has His own plans, which are ALWAYS better, so i don't know why I fight them so much.

As many of you know, God has given me a vision for setting up clinics in Africa someday. I am unsure of all of the details, but I am SURE of the passion He has placed in my heart to do so. Throughout my time of observing, my eyes began to open so much to how difficult this task would be, if I thought I could do it on my own. God is the ONLY One who can make somethign like that come about! Like it says in Radical by David Platt, if the tasks that God gave us to do were things we could do on our own, then we could just as easily attribute the glory to ourselves. Language barriers have been something that I am trying to overcome as well. English is one of their common languages, but with the accent, I still struggle to understand.

My eyes have also been opened to the reality of how good we actually have it in the states, as nurses AND as patients. These poor nurses are worked so hard. They take on 9 patients, and they have never even heard of nurse aids. They give a new meaning to "total patient care". The resources are scarce, but they make do with what they have, all the while never complaining. I just sit back amazed.

I am also taken aback with how God is showing me His sovereignty in HIS timing. Many of you know the story of Steven and I(If you don't I'll tell you later!). Both of us have discussed how confused we were at the timing of everything happening. In our minds, it seemed like the worst timing ever, but I have seen that one of the many reasons God chose the timing He did was because He knew I would need his encouragement through this time. It was just today that I was realizing how difficult this trip is going to be, being here alone. I am MOST DEFINITELY learning how to rely on the LORD more than I ever have had to before, and it has been INCREDIBLE! But He has also given me Steven. I cannot describe how much his encouragement means and comes at just the right times. God knows what His children need and He provides. I could go on and on about how much God has done with us, but I will spare the details, in light of the fact that this blog is already a novel! :)

One last story before I close: I woke up at 6 this morning to walk around the hospital and pray over it, the people, and the staff! It was such a sweet time between me and the LORD. He gave me an uplifted spirit when I was missing home already, and a renewed mindset. When I got to my floor, I was given a different nurse, named Jincy. She was GREAT and let me do so much more today, along with still observing! I also had the privilege of playing with a young girl as her father was being helped. Later on, the family wanted me to take a picture with their daughter, and I got one too. From there it led into me being able to pray over this family! In response, they were so grateful, they gave me a lemon and an apple. In wealthy America's eyes, this doesn't seem like much, but to a poor Indian family, this was a huge sacrifice, showing their care and thankfulness.

Continue to pray for the LORD to make my heart sensitive to those He can and desires to help through me, and pray for my willingness and obedience to humbly do what He asks!

Awestruck by Grace and Glory

I can recall walking down the hallway toward my first plane from Midland to Houston, and the only thought in my head was, "Oh my goodness! I am really about to do this. God, You are CRAZY for calling me to go to the nations like this! Who in their right mind would do such a thing?" And then, in less than a split second, the LORD responded, "I have gone before You. I will lead and guide You. Trust Me. I love you." Simple words, maybe, but the magnitude of their worth brought comfort, as if the Father Himself was holding me...which, He was and is!! So, there I am, walking to the back of the plane, the VERY back, and I am to sit by this man. He looked pretty nice, so knowing I only had a little over an hour on this plane ride, I decided to start up the conversation early. I asked him why He was going to Houston. He said he was actually headed to Pennsylvania, and it was going to be a LONG flight. Then, he asked me where I was going, and I said, "India". Then he responded, "Wow. Pennsylvania ain't got nothin on India." From there we launched into a heartfelt conversation where I was able to learn about his life and share as well about mine and how the LORD was allowing me to be a part of bringing His kingdom to India. It is just so wonderful how God can use exciting new things in your life to spark a conversation about Him. I even discovered that he was a computer geek and liked my transformers pillow! When I reached Houston, I had no trouble getting the rest of my boarding passes, and I sat there being able to journal, and receive encouragement beyond belief by my best friend's blog! I cannot even begin to explain how much it was needed and how much it was appreciated! Then, I headed to Germany. This time, the person next to me did not speak English, so I was unable to communicate, but I still was able to pray for him. He seemed to hate flying, so I said a little prayer for no turbulance, and God answered (that was somwewhat of a selfish prayer too, b/c I HATE TURBULANCE!!). Next flight, TO INDIA! When I headed to my seat, the man sitting next to it asked if I would switch with his wife, so he could be next to her, which was no problem for me, and ABSOLUTELY no coincidence either. I ended up sitting by a woman named Kativa. I noticed from the beginning that she was reading an English book, so I knew I would be able to speak to her some. It was going to be an 8 hour flight, and I needed to try and stay awake as much as I could, so I wrote a lot and read one of my FAVORITE books right now, that I would DEFINITELY recommend to anyone called "Radical" by David Platt. At one point, I asked the LORD to give me words to speak to her, but He just told me to sleep some. So, I did. Then, I woke up and dinner had already been passed out, so she asked the flight attendant to bring me mine. When they tried to get my tray open, it was stuck, so they felt really bad. They decided to offer me a bottle of wine or champagne for the inconvenience, and I told her thank you, but I did not drink. She wouldn't take no for an answer and ended up bringing me a bottle of champagne to give to a friend. My first thought was, "Oh no! I am going to be caught in the Indian customs with champagne and a Bible. I will surely be put in jail now!", but still laughing it off! :) Well, when there was only about an hour and a half left in the flight, I began talking to Kativa. She told me about how she worked for a non-profit that deals with children's rights. I asked her why she did what she did, and her response was, "Because I like it". She was a genuinely nice woman, but lacked the Spirit of God. I told her about my travels, and in the end we had started a friendship. She ended up giving me her business card and cell phone number in case I needed anything while I was in Bangalore, and she told me to come visit her office to see what she does. Her office is 2 hours away from Bangalore, but I am in the process of working out a way to get there for a day. I don't think God is done using me in her life! So, I get off the plane, and it is so obvious to me that God has gone before me, He will provide for me, and I know to trust Him because He loves me! I made it to the hospital okay with my crazy driver, Mark who asked a million and a half questions, obviously trying to practice his English. Then, I was able to shower and get into bed by 3 AM, only to wake up this morning at 6 AM!

So here I am now, in complete awe of our great God, as I sit here in Bangalore India on one of the four computers in their library. This facility is one of the "best", but still NO WHERE NEAR any "dump" hospital in Texas. But on the bright side, people are being helped and they are grateful for what they have. I am somewhat in "observation mode" right now, but Sister Flora is even talking about having me possibly teach a nursing student class while I am here! Haha! That would be fun! I am keeping my heart open to hear from the LORD, and keeping my hands engaged in the work He has set before me! I cannot wait to see what the LORD has in store for the rest of my trip! What a faithful God we serve.